


as is, must go

by sandyk



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Gen, TAKE IT ALL, money talk, so much swearing, there is nothing wrong with taking money
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23866318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: "We work so hard and we don't have enough money, it's got to be our fault, not rampant income equality, gender pay gaps, an entire system set up to fuck with people who will never ever be rich. Take the money. Always take the money, Peter." MJ and Tony have a lot to say about money.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	as is, must go

**Author's Note:**

> For the trope bingo square mind control. Title from as is by Amy Rigby. not mine, no profit garnered. Thanks A!! Please get all financial advice for your own finances from sources other than fanfic, lol.

"Capitalist bullshit mind control," MJ says. She leans forward and nearly pokes Peter with her fork. "Oh, no, people will look at me with pity if I take money? Fuck 'em, you've got their money. Oh, nooooo," she rolls her eyes. "We work so hard and we don't have enough money, it's got to be our fault, not rampant income equality, gender pay gaps, an entire system set up to fuck with people who will never ever be rich. Take the money. Always take the money, Peter. They don't want you to think about the fucked up costs of everything, the amount you're being exploited."

Ned nods vigorously. Then he says, "Why are you lecturing Peter about this?"

"I said something about not getting paid to be Spider-man," Peter mumbled. "Don't know how that led to this."

"Because it's about his priiiiiiiiiide," MJ says, eyes narrow. "He doesn't need charity. Other people are worse off."

"You say that like it's an insult," Peter says. 

"Because that attitude, that's how we end up with gross income inequality and people not eating the rich," MJ says.

"I don't want to eat the rich," Ned says. "They get so much plastic surgery and weird chemical peels. I bet they taste awful."

"I don't want to eat Mr. Stark or Pepper," Peter says. 

"Sometimes," MJ says. "Sometimes when I am speaking in a threatening manner, it's a metaphor."

"Look," Peter says. 

"No, you're insufferably middle class. You know how I know? Actual poor people don't give a shit about this. We're like fuck you, pay me. Two words, Kanye West. Sorry, I'm annotating. Citing. But you're doing fine. Sure, you're three paychecks and one medical emergency away from being out on the street, but mostly you're fine, you don't have as bad as others," MJ says. 

Then MJ says, "Sorry I used the word insufferably. You're not insufferable."

"At least I have that on my side," Peter says. 

Ned says, "You should just take whatever MJ is telling you to take."

"It's just, it's like, um, Mr. Stark wanted to give me a stipend. But I foolishly said in front of MJ I wasn't sure if I should take it. I'll never make that mistake again," Peter says. 

"The only part that's foolish is if you don't take it, and ask for more," MJ says.

Peter sighs. He takes out his phone and starts writing the text until MJ takes his phone, erases what he wrote and writes her own message. Peter takes his phone back. MJ really did ask for more. 

Tony texts him back, instantly agreeing. MJ looks over his shoulder. "Say no, ask for more," she says.

"No," Peter says. He texts back quickly to say yes, thank you. 

May sort of hems and haws and Peter tries to explain what MJ said about capitalist mind control. He definitely does not explain it right. 

Peter takes MJ and Ned to a new coffee shop. It's run by people even Ned calls "supreme douche hippie gentrifiers." MJ literally asks, loudly, if the art was bought off hipsters and douchebags dot com. 

"I like that picture," Peter says. 

MJ walks up to it and squints. "Oh, this one is actually a local artist. It is pretty cool. I know them." She whirls on Peter. "You could buy it. I know what you're getting every week."

"Which I'm supposed to spend on food and, like, other things. A phone or something." 

Ned says, "Why would you buy a phone? Mr. Stark gave you a whole new one."

"Come on, Ned," Peter says. "Come on."

"Peter, you should support the community. This is community art," MJ says. 

"You can't bully me," Peter says.

He buys the picture and gives it to MJ. 

Most of his stipend he withdraws in cash and hides in dirty socks in a tiny box under the floor. MJ says he shouldn't trust banks and stocks. The rest of the money he spends on food and Ned and MJ. He buys them coffee, mostly. Sometimes muffins. 

May doesn't ask about the money which is nice. Mr. Stark is just happy Peter is fully fed and getting a haircut occasionally. After two months, he finally asks. "You're not spending all the money on food, right? Totally okay if you are."

"No, no, I usually have some left over," Peter says. 

"What do you do with it, the left over?"

Peter says, "Um. Well, I'm a minor. So any account I open I have to share with May which is fine, of course."

Tony says, "So you opened a savings account."

"No," Peter says. "You're going to be angry with me."

Tony grimaces. "You're stashing dollar bills under your bed. Kid, I know you don't know finances but …" He shakes his head. 

"Not dollar bills. The bank always gives me twenties," Peter says. "No, I don't know finances."

"In a savings account, you would get interest. Then at the end of the year, instead of a hundred dollars, you'd have, well, five extra dollars. But that's more than cash under your bed earns," Tony says. "You could also buy treasury bonds, reinvest the earnings every week, build up more than five dollars. You could buy a nice stable bond fund. They have these accounts, called a 529, save for college. I mean, you understand the basics, right? Cash under your bed loses value because of inflation. If you stashed fifty dollars under your bed back in 1990, or just back when you were born? That fifty dollars buys less."

"It's still fifty dollars," Peter says. "Do I need more?"

"Is that because you assume I have a 529 set up for you with over a millions dollars in it?"

"No," Peter says. "No, why would I?"

"Because I obviously do, and it's already more than the first million five I put in," Tony says, spinning in his chair. They're in the lab. Tony says, "I make sound investments."

"I don't need that," Peter says.

"Right, because why should your college be paid for? You risk your life and have done so since you were fourteen. But heaven forfend you take the money," Tony says.

"I don't need more money," Peter says. "I need an emergency fund. Like, if something happens and I have to get away fund. Cash to get away, make sure to keep May safe."

Tony nods. "How much do you think you need for that?"

"Ten thousand?" Tony smiles and shakes his head. Peter says, "Fifty thousand? That's a lot."

"It's barely enough to run away on," Tony says. "But it's enough. And right now it's in your apartment. What if your apartment catches on fire?"

"I'm Spider-man," Peter says. 

"Yeah, you're out being Spider-man. Does May know where the cash is? Can she get it out?"

Peter sits back in his chair. "Shit."

Tony sighs. "Okay, here's your deal. You bring me the cash, I will make sure you can always just run here and FRIDAY will give it to you. And once you hit your target, I'll invest the rest."

"Okay," Peter says. He thinks. "Okay, but you can't just put fifty thousand in there and start investing my money. You have to wait until I actually have all the money."

Tony nods again. "Good thinking. Good deal thinking."

Peter empties out all the socks and swings over with all his money in his backpack. He makes it safely. 

He tells MJ what he's doing with the money. She says, "Now you're thinking like a real poor person. It's not super smart, though. Also, Tony was right, you need more than fifty thousand."

"How much more? I want to take care of May," Peter says. 

"Why do you think I know? I just know it's not enough," MJ says.

It actually only takes another two months before Peter has his $50,000. He's been counting, too, so he knows he's actually there. Tony is paying him too much.

"Why are you even investing this money? You said you already had a whole college fund for me. That's excessive," Peter says. "What college tuition is a million dollars?"

"Undergrad, at least one Masters, maybe a PhD, room and board, equipment?" Tony makes a gesture. Peter can't interpret it. 

"I think you're overpaying me," Peter says.

"That's how I do it," Tony says. "I pay generously, give people the kind of benefits unions in Scandinavia beg for in negotiations, and those are very powerful unions, Peter. When I say we have good benefits at Stark Industries, I mean it. I also give away between five and ten percent of my wealth every year."

"You're great?"

"I am, most people aren't," Tony says. "Your friend DJ is right, don't get brainwashed by the capitalist bullshit about pride and charity. Rich people and the truly poor don't think like that. You should think smarter."

"Her name is MJ, she's not a character on Full House," Peter says.

"I've never watched that show," Tony says. 

"What are you going to do with the extra money?"

"I'm going to invest it," Tony says. "An actual rainy day fund for you and May. If anything happens to you, or May needs a few weeks of rest, whatever. An actual emergency fund that will do more than sit there and depreciate."

"Okay," Peter says. 

"When you're eighteen, I'll put it in your name," Tony says. "Or May's. We can also incorporate, do some other wealthy person tricks that make sure you never pay taxes and no debt collector can ever touch it."

"Oh, that sounds bad," Peter says.

"I won't tell you."

"Don't do bad things for me. I don't mind paying taxes."

Tony shrugs. "Got it."


End file.
